Organization: Los Angeles Valley College BBS (818)985-7150
(Certainty vs. Reality)
The scariest thing about scientology is the subtle, imperceptible, yet totally encompassing mindset I had for the fourteen years I was under its influence. The cult "teaches" a person how to know with certainty, so those who ascribe to its world-view exist in a completely different reality than the rest of society.
I remember talking to my teacher after a night school class. I explained to him, proudly, that I was a scientologist. We had already spoken quite a bit and he had formed the opinion that I was a pretty "together" person. Upon hearing of my cult membership, he pronounced: "Well, I thought people in Scientology were mindless robots, but you're obviously not a mindless robot!".
He was gravely mistaken.
I didn't look or act like a mindless robot, but I was so programmed it had become my total identity. I had been completely taken over by the scientology personality and didn't even know it!
When among non-scientologists -- "Wogs", we called them -- I didn't look or act like a cult member. But I was.
I was totally certain scientology was the only answer for Mankind. I knew that the Wog world was composed of lost and messed-up people who were wasting their lives -- just waiting to be "gotten in" to scientology and "handled" so that they too could attain Total Freedom.
I had been indoctrinated and fully believed that I should..."Never fear to hurt another in a just cause.." and I was prepared to do anything, legal or not, to further the expansion of scientology. I was certain that Ron Hubbard was an totally sane individual who had "risen above the bank" (reactive mind) and I had unquestioning trust in his teachings and dictates. I knew that I was a member of an elite group of people who were in possession of all the answers to the world's problems and questions. Ron had said so.
He also said there were many people in the world whose sole purpose in life was to bring harm and sickness to others and I believed him. These people were "suppressives". Suppressives were psychotic. I knew that people who opposed scientology were always suppressive. If you were "connected" to a suppressive you were likely to become ill or have accidents. Therefore I was very careful to stay far away from anyone critical of scientology.
I knew there were world-wide, evil organizations opposed to scientology. These organizations were run by suppressives. I was certain all psychiatrists were suppressive. It was obvious to me that psychiatrists, psychologists and quite a few medical doctors were against scientology because it threatened their right to cause harm and illness to their patients. Scientology was, after all, the only technology of the mind that worked "One Hundred Percent of the Time". No wonder psychiatrists felt threatened.
I also knew if you criticized something or someone (except scientology's enemies), it was because you had done something unethical or immoral. I was certain anyone who was critical of scientology or L. Ron Hubbard was either suppressive or had committed unethical, immoral or illegal acts. I was therefore very careful not to be critical of anything about scientology. If I felt critical, however, I knew I had done something wrong, so I made sure I discovered and confessed whatever it was. I knew if I didn't keep "clean" with regards to any wrongdoings, my progress toward "Total Freedom" would be blocked.
I knew scientology worked. It worked "One Hundred Percent of the Time". But when it didn't work, I knew it was because the person was either suppressive (scientology doesn't work on suppressive persons) or because the person was in communication or contact with a suppressive. Oh yes, it also doesn't work on people who commit unethical or immoral acts. So, on those occasions when scientology didn't work on me, I knew it was because I was either in communication with a suppressive or because I had done something wrong. Therefore I made sure whenever I communicated with anyone who might be a suppressive or did anything I thought might be wrong, I always confessed it. I suspected from time to time that I might be suppressive, since that would really explain why the "tech" didn't always work on me.
But don't get me wrong. The tech "worked" on me quite a bit. I had many realizations and understandings about life and about myself. I was certain these were only possible because of the scientology auditing I was getting. I was sure they could never be obtained from finding out about the world, from learning about myself, or from experiencing new points of view.
I was also sure if I ever left scientology, the benefit I had gotten from these realizations would be completely lost, and I would go insane and probably commit suicide. Ron had said so.
In spite of the realizations and understandings I had, I knew I was still "really messed up" and I would need lots and lots of auditing and training and the "upper levels" before I could become a true "OT".
When I finally became OT, I knew I would have god-like abilities and I would be "totally aware".
Although I did not know anyone in scientology who demonstrated god-like abilities or seemed totally aware, I knew I would attain these abilities when I was ready because that was what Ron said.
If I was learning about scientology or administering it to others and I became critical because it was not making sense or working, I knew it was because of something I didn't understand about it. Probably I had skipped words I didn't understand or did not make it "my own" by demonstrating the principles with clay models. Or perhaps I had not drilled the procedures enough. But whatever the cause, I knew it was my own fault. Because of this, when studying, I looked up every word I didn't understand and even quite a few I did. I really made the text "my own" by studying it and restudying it with total resolve. I knew that if I "felt good" about the text I was studying, I had probably studied it long enough and could go on to study something else. It would have been highly unethical to not ensure I "felt good" about what I was studying.
I knew that true ethical conduct consisted of doing the "greatest good for the greatest number". Scientology was the greatest good you could do. Therefore, any actions which ultimately furthered scientology's aims were good actions.
I knew there were people working "under cover" in the government for scientology. I really admired these people because they were leading such a romantic life and they were doing work for the "ultimate good".
I also knew that it was the "ultimate good" for scientologists to be charged hundreds of dollars an hour to confess to their ministers. Sure, scientology's prices were high. But then you can't put a price on freedom. Ron said if you didn't charge a person a great deal for something the person would not consider it valuable.
Also I knew scientology had a lot of expenses -- especially lawyers fees.
I knew it was important for scientology to have lots of money because we were going to "Clear the Planet". Since there were so many suppressive and psychotic groups and people out there opposing scientology, it would take lots of money and work to ensure that scientology was accepted by everyone.
I knew the practices of scientology were not ever supposed to be mixed up with any other practice. This included yoga, meditation, "bathing in light", or anything else that was intended to affect a person mentally or spiritually. I knew that scientology would not work if you were doing any other practice at the same time.
I knew there were past lives and we all had a "time track" going back trillions and trillions of years. The time track involved earlier civilizations where there was space travel and exciting galactic adventures. Ron told us so.
He also told us that people could be members of other religions and be good scientologists. But, I knew they had better not practice any religion because if they did, it would be considered "mixing practices". I could not fathom how a good Christian could possibly stay a Christian and get auditing (which always involves past lives). Still, we were told to tell "raw meat" they could remain faithful to their religion and still be good scientologists. I couldn't imagine why anyone would remain faithful to their religion. They would see the obvious errors in it as soon as they began studying scientology in ernest.
Although scientology worked with religions to protect their freedom to practice, I knew that true freedom was obtainable only through scientology. As soon as scientology had a firm foothold in society, all the other religions would become obsolete or would have to be abolished.
I was totally certain the upper levels of scientology dealt with "mystical things" and techniques for becoming more aware and more spiritual. I suspected "OT's" could travel at will outside of their bodies, read minds and always felt compassion for other, lesser beings.
At that time I didn't know scientology practiced exorcism. That information was on the confidential "upper levels" and I wasn't quite ready for it yet. It was kept confidential because if you had not completed all the lower levels and found out about it, you would probably go insane or die and get into real trouble with the Ethics Officer. I was certain of that.
I was really afraid of getting into "ethics trouble" and being sent to Ethics to confess and make amends for my transgressions. Amends usually consisted of working extra hours (often missing sleep) doing tedious tasks like cleaning floors, painting walls or filing papers. Many people did amends that involved taking risks in order to "deliver an effective blow to the enemies of scientology despite personal danger" as was often required.
But if I confessed to the Ethics Officer, I might be treated with more lenience than if I was reported for doing something wrong.
People were always getting into ethics trouble and I knew it was important to write reports to the Ethics Officer if I suspected someone was doing something unethical. If I failed to report someone, it was just as bad as doing the unethical thing myself. I had to be careful to confess all my transgressions and those of others (especially those pertaining to scientology). I knew if I didn't "take responsibility" for these "sins" and do the correct amends for them, scientology would not work on me. Then I would be denied the "Road to Total Freedom" and my immortal soul would be lost forever.
I knew that mankind had been cheated and tricked in the past by various religions promising to cure of all their ills and provide all the answers but, this time, I was totally certain, it was "for real." Ron said so.
Although sometimes I felt doubts about scientology, I knew they were coming from my "reactive mind" and that I should simply ignore them. The reactive mind, I knew, has a self-protecting mechanism which creates doubts and opposes scientology. Scientology creates certainty and wants to destroy the reactive mind.
So, if you wanted to achieve certainty, you should never try to make sense of the doubts that came from your reactive mind; it would drive you crazy . . . I knew that was true because Ron said so.
And if you know something with total certainty, that makes it true . . . doesn't it?
Sure it does! Ron said so.
And if you know something with absolute certainty, that makes it true, doesn't it?